Thursday, October 17, 2013

Braineater Jones by Stephen Kozeniewski: Character Interview


Character Interview with Braineater Jones.

What is your favorite meal?


Three fingers of Old Crow and a Lucky Strike.  Keeps me from cogitating about all those tasty morsels of gray matter and neurons and blue veins - ooh, the blue veins are the best part - and…no, no, gotta stay on the straight-and-narrow.  Just booze.  Booze is good enough for me. 

What do you do to unwind and relax?


I toss playing cards into a hat.  I tried playing Patience once, but I didn’t have the patience for it.  Or the cards for it.  You could say I’m not playing with a full deck, but if you did I’d probably have to tune you up a bit.

Who should play you in a film? 


That guy who was in Little Caesar, Douglas somebody.  Fairbanks, that’s it.  Nah, I’m just yanking your chain.  Wouldn’t nobody mistake me for that drugstore cowboy.  I’m thinking…that creepy cat from the Fritz Lang pictures.  Edward Lorn?  Peter Lorre?  Something like that.

What would we find under your bed?


Under the mattress?  Cock-a-roaches and mold, I’m guessing.  Although, there’s a fence down below my office, if that’s what you mean, and below that is the speako and below that is…well, I probably shouldn’t say.

Tell us about your favorite restaurant.


Shoot, I ain’t got the cabbage for eating out.  Only restaurant I ever been to is one of those “beast-row” joints down in Little Italy.  S’ghettis are good there, I suppose, but all I really need to keep upright and ambulatory is a little bourbon.  And maybe some of that sweet, delicious, pink skullmeat you got between your ears…I mean, bourbon, just bourbon!  I’m on the wagon…I’m on the wagon…

What makes you happy?


Plucking the maggots out of my bullethole first thing in the morning.  Nothing beats it.  It’s like getting a backrub from the inside.  Plus, once I’ve winnowed them out, they’re delicious AND nutritious.

What is the next big thing?


Have you seen these new frequency modumucating or “FM” radios?  I think it’s going to change the whole industry.  You ever listen to one?  It’s like Buck Rogers is RIGHT THERE in the room jawing with you or shooting his ray gun or whatever crazy adventures that egg is getting into this week.


Do you have a favorite quote, quip, or saying? What is it?


Oh, so this one time (sorry, this is just so danged clever I’m trying to remember it just right) I saw this trouble boy trip a butter-and-egg man on the street, you know, and he said…I’m trying to remember it…oh, yeah, he said, “Have a nice trip, see you next June!”  It was pretty…no, wait was that it?  Oh, it was, “Have a nice trip, see you next Autumn!”  It was darn funny, ‘cause see, he tripped the guy.  Folks say wit is dead, but I say, “Hey, I’m dead and I’m still walking around, ain’t I?”


For the whole scoop on BRAINEATER JONES in his own words you can buy his forthcoming adventure here:


Braineater Jones
Stephen Kozeniewski

Braineater Jones wakes up face down in a swimming pool with no memory of his former life, how he died, or why he’s now a zombie. With a smart-aleck severed head as a partner, Jones descends into the undead ghetto to solve his own murder.

But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.

As the booze, blood, and clues coagulate, Jones gets closer to discovering the identity of his killer and the secrets behind the city’s stranglehold on liquid spirits. Death couldn’t stop him, but if the liquor dries up, the entire city will be plunged into an orgy of cannibalism.

Cracking this case is a tall order. Braineater Jones won’t get out alive, but if he plays his cards right, he might manage to salvage the last scraps of his humanity.


 Stephen Kozeniewski lives with his wife of 9 years and cat of 22 pounds in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. He was born to the soothing strains of "Boogie With Stu" even though The Who are far superior to Zep, for reasons that he doesn’t even really want to get into right now.
During his time as a Field Artillery officer, he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. The depiction of addiction in his fiction is strongly informed by the three years he spent working at a substance abuse clinic, an experience which also ensures that he employs strict moderation when enjoying the occasional highball of Old Crow.
He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor’s degree is in German.
You can follow Stephen Kozeniewski on Twitter at or on his blog at



1 comment:

Stephen Kozeniewski said...

Thanks for having mean, Jones!