Saturday, March 30, 2013

Renhala by Amy Joy Lutchen: Guest Post



Happy Day everyone! Thanks so much to Laurie’s Paranormal Thoughts and Reviews for allowing me to post on her site today. I pondered what to do for you paranormal lovers, and I’ve had wonderful success with some parodies I’ve made, so I wanted to share them with YOU! So below, I’ve first named the children’s nursery rhyme, then followed it up with the parody. Make sure you sing aloud to the tune of named nursery rhyme. Then come up with your own—really—I want to see yours!

Also, the last two are based on my book, Renhala, which is a very unique urban fantasy. Hopefully you’ll want to experience it yourself. If you’re up for intense world-building, some painfully beautiful, loving relationships, and some scary new creatures, it’s calling your name… 

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe:

There was an old woman who lived with a ghost,

She had so many wants, she didn’t do most

So she gave it some love without any touch,

Then exorcised it quickly and didn’t cry much.


Three blind mice:

Three zombies,

Three zombies,

Hear how they “Argghhhh,” hear how they “Argghhhh!”

They all shuffled after the cannibal fine,

He filled them all up with brains and some wine

Have you ever seen such a distinguished man dine,

On three zombies,

Three zombies.


Baa Baa Black Sheep:

Sandman, sandman

Have you any dreams?

Yes ma’am, yes ma’am, three so it seems,

One for the artist,

One for the pained,

And one for the tortured who wishes to be unchained.   


(And here’s one just because paranormal is great with some love J)

Twinkle, twinkle, little star:

Fickle, fickle, guarded heart,

How you think you’re oh so smart,

Hidden deeply on the sly,

Missing chances by and by.


Rock-a-bye baby:

Rock-a-bye Bella in her own bed,

When the night falls,

She’ll be watched by her Ed,

If his will breaks,

Then Bella will die,

Down will go HEAs,

‘cause there’ll be no more TWI.


Row, row, row your boat:

Chew, chew, chew your meat,

Quickly as you turn,

Greedily, greedily, greedily, greedily,

Full moon is on sojourn.


Little Miss Muffet:

Naïve Kailey Rooke,

Sank down near the brook,

For along came a meeple,

And it decided to keep her

Entranced in a state of self-loathe.


Hey Diddle Diddle:

Hey diddle diddle,

Kailey has a riddle,

Conner jumped through her hoops.

Ladimer she swooned,

By being just her,

And a dragon picked her up with a swoop.


Kailey Rooke, timid accountant, dedicated to philanthropic work, finds herself spiraling into a deep depression after she suffers a horrifyingly odd and humiliating assault, to only discover more of these freakish assaults occurring across the globe.
A chance discovery leads Kailey to a meeting with elderly Gunthreon, actual master of persuasion. Gunthreon, who seems to know too much of Kailey's history for her liking, opens Kailey's eyes to a coexisting realm she never knew existed: Renhala, while entrusting her with the knowledge of her newfound power as karmelean, serving as a beacon for karma from the Higher Ones. Kailey slowly starts revealing new talents, and Gunthreon is fascinated with what she starts achieving.

She soon discovers that Renhala is in danger, and this danger has been leaking into her own realm. As she uncovers secrets within herself, and toughens up, she fuses with an unlikely band of fellow travelers (including a dragon, woodsprite, six-hundred-pound greble, her faithful female canine companion, and a "giver"), balances the egos of two very strong males, deals with her sexy and flirtatious best friend’s “issues,” and finds the courage to master a new deadly weapon.

On her mission to save Renhala, Kailey will find herself running from life-threatening disasters, such as greble Tartarin, who likes to remind Kailey that when he catches her, he plans on eating her brains with ice cream; she'll run from the deadly meeples: small cute bunnies with talons and an undeniable thirst for imposing self-destruction on others. Kailey will also run into the possibility that a centuries-old Renhalan rumor is true, that advanced technology existing in Kailey's realm shortens all life spans.

As blood is shed and puzzles near completion, Kailey pulls from deep within herself, conjuring up mystical qualities that enable her to astonish as once predicted at her birth, but despite the newfound strength, Kailey will discover that monsters not only come in ugly packages, but can be easily disguised as those she has come to love and trust.


Born in Chicago, Illinois, a few days prior to watching her first movie, at a drive-in theater. Yes, drive-in theater. And yes, her mother believed she was possessed by the devil after said first movie.

Grew up in the Chicagoland area and graduated from the University of Illinois, Champaign-Urbana, where she simply became a number, but decided it was a good number.

Loves cooking (mostly candy-cooking), gardening (putting holes in the ground for perennials, DONE!), designing and constructing jewelry (everything from silversmithing to lampworking), and living with her wonderful husband, two children, black Labrador, and frog—and maybe even the chipmunk family that likes to destroy her aforementioned perennials.
Also hopes that you enjoy her writings, and won’t criticize her for her aversion of eating things in multiples of three.


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