GUEST POST by Jon Messenger
Last time I had the pleasure of doing a top 10 list, I chose to do my bucket list. It was a blast, but I think it’s time to be a little bit quirkier. So without further ado,
“What are 8 weird things about you?”
8. When I was younger, I had a lazy right eye. For those of you who were not aware, one of the remedies for correcting a lazy eye is to have the person wear a patch over their stronger eye, forcing a strengthening of the muscles in the weaker eye. For nearly a year when I was in elementary school, I was a pirate… every day. I wore a black patch with a band. I bet you’ll never guess what I went as for Halloween that year?
* Not actually me… this kid is far too happy.
7. I grew up overseas, being born in London and raised in Thailand and Japan. We didn’t actually move to the US until the start of middle school. That’s not the weird part. The fact that in elementary school – at 5’2” – I was actually taller than most of the Japanese was also not the weird part. The weird part is that when we came to the States, we moved to Smiths Grove, Kentucky. I was now living in the South, despite never having been exposed to Southern slang. For the longest time, I thought “over yonder” was a town, since every time I asked where something was, they told me, “It’s over yonder.” I also didn’t know what a “holler” was (later finding out it was a ravine). When I asked, I was simply told, “it’s a really great place to grow weed.”
* What does he mean by, “You got a perty mouth”?
6. I have an incredibly oddly shaped body. I have a ridiculously long torso and very short legs. I’ve said this to people before but they always think I’m exaggerating. If I buy normal t-shirts, they often expose my stomach if I raise my arms above my shoulders. My legs, on the other hand, are the same length as my wife’s. I’m 6’ and she’s 5’. To put it into context (for the guys, at least), I have a 30” inseam. I’d try to translate to women’s sizes, but what I’ve seen is that my wife wears somewhere between a size 2 and 16, depending on which store we’re at and whether or not Mercury is in retrograde… or some other asinine equation like that. Me, I just have short legs. When I run, I look like Marvin the Martian, with his little legs just kicking away.
* Go ahead, make fun of my short legs. I’m sure I have an explosive space modulator around here somewhere.
5. Oh, if only my legs were the only disproportionate thing on my body. I also have a massive head. Not so much from the front view. It looks fairly normal there. It’s just the depth that gets you. As if my legs didn’t slow me down enough when I run, my head doesn’t help. I’m looking forward, doing great, when suddenly I hear someone behind me. As my head turns, the wind catches it like a sail and nearly drags me off my feet. No joke… well, little joke.
* Artist’s depiction of my head
** not to scale
INTERMISSION: Wow, so apparently everything really weird about me is physical. I feel like I’ll be paying for a psychiatrist soon for all my body issues. Which leads us to:
4. I still play Dungeons and Dragons. I used to be really embarrassed to tell people that I played D&D. I got bullied when I was younger whenever I’d admit it because people thought that building a team of imaginary people, compiling their statistics to best suit the mission, and then hoping everything turns out in your favor was dorky. Now and days we just call it Fantasy Football. However, if I had never played D&D, I wouldn’t be a writer. It sparked my imagination and helped me develop my creative talents. Now and days, I have no issue admitting that I’m a dork, and proud of it!
* haha, you’re a dork, too!
3. I have an addictive personality, but not for alcohol or drugs. I can be very addicted to video games. When it comes to playing games, I have a bit of OCD. If there’s a side quest, no matter how useless or how little it advances the storyline, I’ll find it. I’ll pull down walkthroughs and cheats for the games I play just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. The problem is that I’ll play that same game for a hundred hours or more, just to make sure I got it all. And that’s why I haven’t owned a gaming console since the N64!
* This game is still cool, right? Guys? Anyone?
2. I’m the exact opposite of everyone else on the internet. I’m incredibly outgoing in person, eager to tell stories and jokes, but I’m very introverted online. I don’t like posting tons of updates. Most of the ones I do post are about my son, rather than about me. I’m terrible at social marketing for my books. What I need is to make enough money so that I can personally travel around the world, hawking my books to everyone willing to listen. It’ll still be like social media: I’ll yell random status updates and be followed by people… usually cops.
* Can I write this off in my taxes as a “business expense”?
1. Finally, having been in the military for the past 13 years, I’ve been an avid exerciser. Running is a part of my life. The common misconception is that runners actually enjoy running. Newton’s Third Law states that, “Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion.” People use that as a justification for running, stating that once you get into it, it gets easier. The truth to that law is that an object in motion does not like to stay in motion. It’s got a whole hell of a lot of aches and pains. It gets sleepy. It needs to pee, far more often than when not running. It’d rather be eating. There doesn’t need to be a qualifier at the end of that last statement. It doesn’t matter what I’d rather being eating. Anything. Cereal. Peanut butter on a spoon. I’d literally rather be eating anything than run. The fact that I’m not morbidly obese surprises me sometimes.
* I don’t have anything cute to say about this. It’s just so very true.
ABOUT THE BOOK
Title: Earth God
Series: The World Aflame Saga #4
Author: Jon Messenger
Published: May 26th, 2015
Publisher: Clean Teen Publishing
Genre: NA Paranormal Romance
Recommended Age: 13+
THE EARTH GIVES WAY TO THE SEA,
THE SEA BOWS BEFORE THE WIND,
THE WIND FEEDS THE FLAME,
THE FLAME BURNS THE WORLD OF MAN DOWN TO THE EARTH.
The Fire Elemental has risen and its followers, the Fire Caste, have destroyed the planet. Humanity hangs on the cusp of extinction; their only hope now lies with the troubled Wind Warrior, Xander Sirocco.
Xander has absorbed the power of the Wind and Water Elementals but at great personal cost. Finding Sammy has been his anchor through the chaos around him, but now he finds himself wondering if saving her is enough.
Sammy remains a prisoner of the Fire Elemental, her mind trapped, as the dragon possesses her body. Her love for Xander keeps her going, but will her passion be enough to stop the Elemental from killing Xander once and for all?
Humanity’s last hope rests in Xander finding the Earth Elemental. Claiming the power of the Earth is the last step before he can confront the dragon holding Sammy hostage. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one who knows the location of the Earth Elemental.
It’s a race against time between Xander and the dragon to claim the last of the Elemental power and bring an end to a war that’s spanned millennia.
Earth God is the exciting conclusion to the bestselling and award-winning World Aflame series.
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | GoodReads
“What if there was a previous dominant species that we replaced after they screwed it up?”
Jessica arched her eyebrows. “You’re not going to bring up the dinosaurs, are you?”
“Yes, the dinosaurs, exactly! Think about it. The whole world started off with Pangaea, one super continent where all the dinosaurs lived. Then, boom, all of this sudden something happens and wipes them all out. Scientists keep saying it was probably a meteor, but what if it wasn’t? Think about it. What would a meteor have done to the planet? Set it on fire? Filled the sky with ash to choke out most other life? Doesn’t that sound exactly like something the Fire Elemental would do?”
“I’m impressed you know about Pangaea. But it doesn’t change the fact that if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were a giant stoner.”
“The Earth Elemental could have easily made Pangaea for the dinosaurs,” Sean continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “After they screwed it up somehow, the Fire Elemental wipes them out, the Earth Elemental splits the continent, and they start over, only this time with primitive mankind. It makes sense.”
Jessica pinched the bridge of his nose. “I want to tell you that none of that makes sense, but we just held a conversation with an Easter Island head before Xander become the embodiment of the Earth itself. Anything’s possible at this point.”
“Do you think they ever tried a Xander before?”
Jessica paused. “A Xander?”
Sean glanced away from the blond and stared across the ocean. “They must have had Warriors for each of the elements. The fact that a Velociraptor Fire Warrior is a pretty badass mental image notwithstanding, do you think they tried this before? Creating someone who can stop the cycle?”
“I don’t really know—“
“Because they failed,” Sean said bluntly. He turned back toward his girlfriend. “If they tried it, they failed because the dinosaurs were wiped out. I just keep thinking that we’re not taking this seriously enough, and I know that’s ironic coming from me. I keep worrying that the Fire Elemental is just sitting back laughing right now, knowing that it kicked the crap out of a Sarcosuchus Water Elemental once before and is about to do the same to Xander.”
“I think by this point we’re all taking this seriously,” Jessica said. “Just because you’re joking doesn’t mean you’re not; we’ve known each other long enough to know it’s just your defense mechanism.”
They sat in silence, watching the lapping waves and trying not to see the lava pouring into the ocean not far away. It was peaceful, sitting on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific. It was easy to ignore the fact that the world was coming to an end. Sean mentally noted Easter Island as a place to visit, once this was all over.
Jessica chuckled softly, disrupting Sean’s musings. He turned toward her inquisitively. “What’s so funny?”
“Pterodactyl Wind Warriors,” she said.
For a moment, he merely arched an eyebrow before he started snickering. Sean couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the thought. They both laughed until their sides hurt. It felt good just to laugh for no particular reason, to forget about the insanity of their lives for just a moment.
About the Author:
Jon Messenger (Born 1979 in London, England) serves as an United States Army Major in the Medical Service Corps. Jon wrote his first science fiction trilogy in 2008 and has since written and published over 10 novels. The scope of his writing has expanded beyond science fiction to include the New Adult and Steampunk genres. His books have become Amazon bestsellers, been translated into foreign languages, and have won numerous awards both for content and covers.
Clean Teen Publishing Links:
There is a tour wide giveaway. Prizes include the following:
- A bookmark swag pack, winner’s choice of any Clean Teen Publishing eBook, and a $15 Amazon gift card.
Giveaway is International.
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